Single Mother, Superhero
Angie and that i have been playing disguise-and-search on the playground on a Wednesday afternoon when three helicopters beginning circling overhead, a sure sign of trouble in our neck of northern Los Angeles.
One of many dads at the playground had the inside scoop: police were searching for 2 armed robbers who had fled when a homeowner caught them in her bedroom, stealing jewelry and electronics. They ran out the again door, and she referred to as 911.
The news was worrisome, but not alarming. These things happen in Los Angeles. Just to be secure, although, I scooped up my daughter, who was 5 years previous at the time, and carried her to the car. I drove four blocks to our condominium, the place I locked the front door and let Angie watch her favorite movie.
The helicopters buzzed in the sky like indignant bees, and Angie began to cry. We had lived in Los Angeles a few 12 months at that point, having moved right here from rural Maine, and the scene unfolding in our neighborhood appeared to be horrifying her.
After i tried to soothe her with a hug, it was apparent she wasn’t afraid in any respect. Her face was red sufficient to burst. She was mad — at me.
“I can get those guys, Mama,” she mentioned. “I know I can. Simply let me attempt!”
Angie has at all times fancied herself a superhero. She hangs Ironman posters in her room, draws pictures of the Avengers, and favors Spiderman and Batman over Cinderella and Sleeping Magnificence. She even has a reputation for herself — All the pieces Angela, which is to say that she possesses each power of each superhero, all bundled into one 4-foot-tall package.
Her fantasy has appeared innocent enough. It’s been a stamp she wears on her chest, to scare off the notion that she is vulnerable, that she can be damage, that there’s something on this world that may defeat her. I always thought the concept resided principally in her imagination, as a kid’s exploration into what is actual and what is make-believe. But with helicopters overhead, The whole lot Angela was poised for motion.
“I’ve been training for today my complete life and you will not even let me go get these guys!” She stomped down the corridor to her bedroom and slammed the door.
Angie’s ardour and indignation was form of sweet, but I additionally felt badly for her, for the way it should have felt to have her self-notion questioned, to face the reality that she is, after all, solely human.
For the past four years, I’ve referred to as myself a single mom. I actually am one, which is to say that I’ve full custody of my daughter and I’m not married. When Angie was 2 years outdated, her father fell in love with one other girl and requested me for a divorce. Angie and i moved out of our family dwelling and into an condo, where we shared a bed, baked cookies in our pajamas and labored hard to find our manner back to normalcy.
By myself with a toddler to care for, I all of a sudden discovered myself doing all the pieces. I obtained one job, then two, and put Angie in daycare. I put up shelves and paid payments, cleaned the home and kissed the boo-boos. I juggled physician appointments, birthday parties, work deadlines and meal planning. I went on meals stamps for some time to make ends meet, and sold my wedding ring to purchase Christmas gifts for my daughter. It was exhausting, however it was all part of the persona I had created to guard the 2 of us: I used to be superhuman, invincible, bulletproof.
Over the years, I’ve clung to this tee shirt batman logo yahoo label of “single mother.” It has been my cape, my shield, the best way I defend myself against something or anyone who may hurt me. I’ve tee shirt batman logo yahoo stamped it on my Facebook page, used it on my Twitter account and declared it in conversations with mates and strangers. I’m a single mother, I mentioned. I can stretch, endure and breathe fireplace. You cannot contact me.
The title not suits, exactly. I am nonetheless a mom, sure. I am nonetheless unmarried, yes. However I have a partner now, a boyfriend who is reliable and loving. He takes care of Angie as a lot as I do, just in alternative ways. He gives her freedom, whereas I give her safety. He helps her fly. I give her a safe place to land. He takes care of me too. When i give up my jobs and went to graduate faculty, he took Angie to the movies and the aquarium so I may research. When i felt like dropping out, he advised I give it another semester. And when i graduated with a masters diploma, all three of us celebrated with brunch on the beach.
With him around, I can do all of the issues I did earlier than, plus a number of things I could not. Now I can go to yoga class on Saturday mornings. I can meet my pals for a drink or vanish into my bedroom for an hour to read a e book. I can share my unhealthy dream, take a nap, experience within the passenger seat. I can ask for help, and when i do, there’s somebody there, somebody I can lean on without the entire universe toppling over.
This is to not detract from the arduous work that single mother and father do everyday. I know how troublesome that job actually is. It’s intense and consuming, but also hugely rewarding. If my marital standing have been to vary, some part of me would all the time be a single mom — would at all times be fiercely impartial and vigilant, watching the horizon for signs of trouble.
As much as I would like to, I can not save my daughter, and even myself, from hazard, ache or worry. Whatever I decide to name myself, it will not stop a robber’s bullet or thwart a lover’s betrayal. Angie and I would fancy ourselves bionic, however we’re, in spite of everything, human. We’ll harm and we are going to fail, but we will all the time bounce again.
When I used to be my daughter’s age, I wore the identical Surprise Girl go well with three years in a row for Halloween. She was my favorite, not simply because she was strong and stunning, but in addition as a result of she had superior bracelets and a extremely cool lasso. I squeezed myself into those blue knickers lengthy after they stopped fitting, till lastly, my mother donated them to the neighborhood thrift store.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for fairly some time now, however I’ve been reluctant to stop referring myself as a single mother, thinking that shedding the label would diminish my power or downplay what I have been by and the way onerous I’ve labored to get my life back on track. Now I see that nothing, and nobody, can take the previous away from me. It’s mine. I own it, no matter what I resolve to name myself. Marvel Woman was fierce not because she had bracelets or a lasso, however because she believed she was fierce.
Now, Angie is 6 years previous. She nonetheless considers herself a superhero and desires about capturing bad guys. Every thing Angela is not able to grasp up her cape simply but.
And me I think I’ve finally outgrown that suit.